Hotels in Cleveland. Ohio are reporting thousands of dollars worth of hotel linens missing after the mass exodus of Republican delegates and guests at the end of the Republican National Convention.

“It’s the damnedest thing I have ever seen” said Maria Dekker head of housekeeping at The Cleveland Hyatt House. “Room after room. All the sheets and pillowcases are gone.” Dekker said. “And the strangest thing is that they left the all the towels and toiletries and just took the white sheets!”

At least 20 other hotels in Cleveland have reported the same strange linen thefts. ” This will cost us thousands upon thousands of dollars to replace all this linen” said Cheryl Watkins, Manager of The Essex House. “Its like a swarm of locust hit the hotel.”

But that not all. Complaints from the city’s hotel’s house housekeeping staff have been at an all time high during the convention. Maria Salazar head housekeeper at Essex House explains. “They were pigs and didn’t tip any of my staff” said Salazar. “Some of my housekeepers couldn’t even make it into the rooms while they were here. The attendees would pile their luggage in the foyer of the room creating a wall and would tape signs to the front saying “Stay Out” and “Go Back Where You Came From” in both on the front of the luggage.”

And if the the rude behavior and thievery was not enough there was also the smell.

“We are going to have to fumigate every room” said Watkins. “The smell of decay and carrion just permeated everything. This is a huge financial loss. But at least we got off better than the Cleveland Convention Center. The hazmat cleaning bills for them are going to be enormous.”

*This article is satire. Or is it?