Tag Archives: sexuality

From Sweet First Kisses To Saying No To Having A Misses; Tales Of Growing Up Gay

Gay-Kiss

As you can tell lately I have been doing more opinion articles as of late and the reason is because it makes me truly feel connected and able to foster thought and conversation. Since it’s Monday and rainy I thought I’d share something a little light hearted; a tale of when I knew I was different and how moments like this shape our lives in a profound way. When I began to realize that I was not like everyone else and began to realize that I’m gay. And how even though some events in our life weren’t as poetic and a replica of what society tells us I still hope it reminds you of a time of self discovery that you treasure rather than a time you only associate with pain and frustration.

As most of us growing up, I knew I was different from the beginning. I may not have had many overtly “feminine” behaviors (even though I have always been fascinated with hair) I was a very sensitive kid. Often described as moody I always felt as a child that I was at the mercy of everyone else’s emotions. I could cry at the drop of a hat whenever I saw someone else in pain, both in real life and in fiction. I often cared more about everyone else’s feelings rather than myself. A lot of times very quiet and only wild or rambunctious when given permission to do so.

Gay was not a solid construct in my mind because there weren’t too many out gay men at the time in the south though there were a few lesbian couples in our neighborhood. And honestly I was a bit naive because I really didn’t know what gay meant until I was almost in middle school. I only thought at the time when I saw two men as a couple that they were like every other normal couple and did recognize a difference or similarity. I just believed all adults loved each other the same way. More importantly I didn’t know that gay was seen by some as a bad thing. Oh how I miss that naivety.

So I was not all too concerned with love thinking it only happened with adults. I didn’t have pretend girlfriends or teased fellow classmates with age old songs about kissing while sitting in trees. I was more likely to defend someone who was being teased because of it. And then everything changed when I was in third grade. I had a great group of friends during that time that I loved having as many adventures as I possibly could; staying out longer in recess than necessary, sneaking the latest and most popular toys, making fart noises and sticking gum under the desk during our boring  history lesson.

All the normal things guys our age did. But there was a classmate of mine that I hung out with more than anyone else. Seth. A fiery redhead that was just as effervescent and spontaneous as I was. Like me, he was always looking for the next bit of excitement to be had in a wild adventure. We always were in a competition with each other. From grades to kickball, we always tried to one up the other all the while having some of the best laughs growing up. Our competitive side only made our friendship that much stronger. And it remained that way throughout the year.

Then one day our teacher had us make these makeshift binoculars that would allow us to look at the sun during the upcoming eclipse. It doesn’t sound exciting but if you know me, you’d know that I was obsessed with astronomy and astrology at the time (I still am). My first coherent memory is of a full moon when I was two. So Seth and I, as always, were in competition to see who would complete it first and he won that time.

After grimacing and slowly congratulating him, we were then assembled to the exit of the school playground so that we could test out our new creations and because of the excitement, Seth and I got separated. We began to call out to each other, each of us apparently just missing each other at a previous location.

Then, we heard each other’s voice in the same proximity and ran to each other. As we navigated the last few yards between us we both turned the corner at the same time and  ran directly into each other, full impact. Because we were the exact same height our faces met at the exact same time and our lips touched. We kissed. My first kiss. Neither of us moved in that moment and I know on my end, I was too shocked to pull away. The entire time I felt as if I were frozen and unable to do anything except stand there as my best friend and I were kissing each other. It all happened by accident of course and I feel like we both knew that.

Nothing about this was planned since we were only nine years old. But in that instant of when our lips met, my world changed. It was almost as if time stood still. My feet were numb and I was so lightheaded I could barely stand up straight. We slowly pulled away from each other, both of us blushing from looking at each other since it happened. It wasn’t followed by what guys our age would normally say by saying it was gross.

We didn’t try to prove our budding manliness by fighting. There was no blame because we had done nothing wrong. We simply shared a moment that so many of our other classmates had shared with each other every day. I went to apologize because I did not want it to be awkward and Seth held his hand out to say no, it’s okay, we have nothing to be sorry for. Then we just stood there. It was perfect. And I was never the same.

After that moment I began to think about love and what love meant. And even though the myopic interpretation I had about what love was at that age didn’t change, my place in the world of love did. No longer did I just think of it happening to adults because of fairytales. I began to see my grown up self as one of the characters, looking for the man I was supposed to rescue. My mind had begun to awaken to what was really possible for two people to feel for each other some day.

I began to think about what I wanted someday when I was an adult. From that moment on, I knew that I would never walk down to greet a woman wearing a spectacular white gown that I pledge my affection to for the rest of our lives. I wasn’t ready to accept it but still at that moment I knew. All that from an accidental bumping into each other; and it had changed my life forever.

The remainder of that year was great and the friendship between Seth and I didn’t miss a beat. We never discussed it afterwards and went on competing each with other. But on the next to last day of that school year, Seth told me he was moving away and I was heartbroken. A common fault of mine when I’m overwhelmed with emotion is to shut down but not this time. I cried my eyes out in front of everyone and to hell with what everyone else thought.

But to calm me down, Seth took me to our hangout spot away from the swings and held my hand and promised we’d always be friends no matter what and that we’d met again one day during an eclipse. And I calmed down. And we laid there in that spot looking up and holding hands until it was time to go home for the day.

This incident in my life is probably why I romanticize love and what I want in a man; kind, rugged, noble, and always challenging me to be better than I ever perceived myself. And it took me a while to realize that during the awkward stages I had of dating women. As great as they were, the women never encapsulated the feeling I felt back on that clear spring day in third grade.

That and I grew to have a very soft spot for rugged ginger haired men with beards. I know how rare perfect moments like these are to have at any time in life and even more so at such a young age. But who wouldn’t at something like this? Because as I grew up to become a man, I still think of when I felt love and what I want love to be like for me.

The point of me sharing this story today is because we go through so much as gay men. Though the process of coming out is a long continuous set of obstacles, there are some great empowering moments that come from it. Strength can come even from our awkward and vulnerable points in life. Moments for us to reflect upon and to treasure and grow and to draw strength from.

How the most profound things are discovered about ourselves in the most unexpected ways and that the dark clouds of our past do have some silver linings. And I am still waiting for the adult Seth so that we can use the makeshift binoculars we made in our youth to watch the eclipse and hold hands.

 

Texas Teenager Arrested for Murder After Using GRINDR To Lure Victims

Where The Rules Of Grindr Need Not Apply

grindr

You finally arrive home after a hectic day and what better way to get rid of some tension than the accompaniment of a gentleman caller. Then you open the app, letting those within a designated area know that you’re available to have some fun. Time passes as you’ve blocked those you have no interest in or the profiles that creep you out. After going through some preliminary participants you later reject you finally come across a profile that adequately meets your requirements as they haven’t grossed you out. Then there’s conversation via a series of text messages to verify profile claims and likelihood of sexual compatibility. An agreement is struck to the location of where to meet. Then there’s sex. And then most often, unless it’s someone who literally blows your socks off, you never hear from each other again.

It definitely isn’t the only dating ritual of gay men but it by far is the most popular. Today’s technology offers social interaction on such a convenient level than ever before. It allows us to be able to not even bother with the hassle of hearing from people whose looks, personality, or conversation that we do not like. It is almost comparable to online clothes shopping in how easily accessible it is to find someone to have sex with any time, any where. And to me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it being that way, safely. There’s always an assured confidence in knowing what you want out of your relationships so why should selecting who we want to have a one night stand with be any different.

But here’s the thing, today I was asked does the easy access to sex diminish the possibility of experiencing a real, fully developed relationship. Do apps like Grindr make sex cheap and thereby less meaningful? I had to at least entertain the question. But as I began to process the inquiry it leads to me asking: Does the easy access actually make having real, sustainable relationships harder to have? Because of how easily it is to select a sexual partner for an evening or two translate into how we look for someone to share or lives with? Do you ever question how much social dating apps change and influence the way you see other men? Does it change the way that you look for dates out in the real world? Or does it change your entire perception on what other men are like?

These are all legitimate questions if you think about it. Communication now is more about a text someone sends rather than the voice of the person sending the message. We are more focused on the physical aspects of a guy than any other attribute he may possess. Intimacy is now more about what is said than what is heard. The fast pace of it all and ease that doesn’t pose any of those pesky, sometimes awkward encounters of getting to know someone out in the real world. There’s an objective, almost sterile approach to these encounters and so why wouldn’t we want our other interpersonal relationships to be just as convenient.

Of course we know these apps are not designed to find the one so I’m not arguing against their purpose. I’m asking does our use of them set the standard in how we interact in all the other relationships we seek out. So often I ask myself what are the components of a successful relationship and wonder if these behaviors we enact upon on social apps placate other social relationships. Because we communicate differently on these apps than say when we text someone out for a date, or at least they should be different. So to an extent we have to at least examine how much of an influence these social dating apps have on us.

Think about this: when you first began to fantasize about being with men (or at least didn’t deny it to yourself that you are attracted to men) what was the idea that you had in your mind? Was it you rescuing a hot, rugged man in some forest where you show off how brave and strong you were? Defending the prospective lover waiting for you to defeat their adversary and you run into each other’s arms as the antagonists stumbles away, leaving you the victor. Then you and your lover run off into the sunset to begin your happily ever after. Okay maybe that was a little over the top but that’s what I thought about all the time growing up. Comes from a tendency to want harmony and romance in all amorous situations that lead to the fantasy. But I felt like romance and sex was the same thing. That having sex was intimacy and love.

But as an adult (more likely an adolescent) we learned that this is more the exception than the rule. A lot of the lessons we learn within the gay community we have to learn pretty fast. That more often than not the fantasy and romance to sex does not exist and it is just that, sex. It’s okay when it’s just sex. Have as much as often as you like (safely) has always been my motto. It goes back to knowing what it means for you each time you choose to engage in it. So again I ask do social apps set false pretenses of what to expect out in the real world? No it doesn’t. It doesn’t promise us the fantasy of what we thought love or relationships meant. We can sometimes just erroneously apply the same expectations to every other type of relationships we pursue.

There’s a downside of course to the quick and easy mode of dating and relationships in using these dating apps and rely on the same rules to apply everywhere.  When we apply this mode of interaction to all of our relationships, we miss out on a lot of the things that make relationships stronger. Those awkward moments of first meeting each other are time-honored stories of how love can bloom to the younger generation. The obstacles of getting to know someone and finding out their likes and dislikes prove to be the thing that helps strengthen them giving the relationship decades of longevity. How intimacy can be in a simple touch of a lover’s hand or one longing look into each other’s eyes. Learning and reaffirming that sex is not the only thing there is to love and that there is so much more of yourself involved. Noticing how you place deep flaws on pedestals because that is a part of the man you will love the rest of your life.

I know the ones that regularly read my articles have noticed a central theme. You’re probably thinking, oh great, another examination into the world of dating and or relationships and what they could be doing. But honestly there’s so much about relationships that I’ve only begun to write about. Maybe it’s because of the place I’m at in my life or because of the relationships I observe around me that I question them so much. But I know that sometimes you just have to accept things at face value. That certain things provide a service and that is the extent of it. And that is what Grindr, or Scruff, Adam4Adam, or sometimes even twitter is, essentially. And that is perfectly okay. Just remember that those rules don’t apply everywhere else.

So, Are You Up For A Menage A Trois Or Dinner For Two?

Which one sounds better? A nice, quiet stroll down a beach on a clear moonlit night, then have a nice candlelight dinner with a smooth vintage wine. Gazing into each others eyes and when you hold hands it feels like fireworks are going off. Amazing chemistry and this feeling of euphoria consumes your entire being. Passion erupts into this beautiful declaration of endless love, an oath to share eternity together and you physically unite to demonstrate this affection.

Or how about meeting up with two other men in the industrial district. Upon your arrival where you all convene at, you know the building designed to withstand heavy weight in harnesses and chains. Masks and gags are applied to heighten the experience. There’s a passionate exchange and you never see them until ready for the next encounter. Two vivid, yet very different scenarios of real relationships. Neither is better or worse than the other, just different. And until adulthood, we only refer to the quiet dinner.

One of the fastest things we learn about when we enter the gay community is how different/same relationships are between partners. If we’re honest with ourselves, it does not resemble the trademark couples of Mr and Mrs Beaver or any other sitcom on nuclear families. The perennial image of two people meeting as a result of destiny or a higher power that are meant for each other for the rest of their lives isn’t always the standard.  But to be fair, this is not the case of straight couples either, no matter how often or loudly those religious zealots claim. And yet we are still hardwired to seek out these types of relationships where two people settle down and make a life for each other.

Even with all this knowledge of how relationships work (or don’t work) it is the one thing as gay men we seem to struggle with the most. Maybe it’s because we want the fairytale, And who wouldn’t? Despite the research that claims as men we are sexual nomads that have to quench this neurological thirst to sow our seed. Some of us want to be the Prince Charming sweeping that special guy off his feet and show him a w whole new world. Dance so his feet never touch the ground. To be completely swept up in a moment that time stands still and how our love will become a tale as old as time. It’s okay to want that.

But sooner or later, we learn that this isn’t always the case. We begin to see that some have more than one boyfriend and that is a perfectly acceptable rule in the relationship. Or that each partner can have sex with as many other men as they want as long as there is no emotional investment involved in these encounters. That more men in our community are open to having relationships that don’t require more than having a traveling toothbrush and a package of condoms. Because sometimes sex is just sex. Most of our relationships don’t even begin the same way as we were taught. Sometimes relationships d start off in the smoky, dimly light club or raunchy house party. Sometimes the greatest relationships we have start off online with not a clue as to whether or not they are real.

We learn that everyone else in the world has a different definition of what relationships and love means. Most times this lesson is hard but we grow from it. Most of the time. And the longer we live, the more we discover because of our experiences that we change what we want from relationships. The idea of what it means differs from each point in our lives.  But what makes it different when it’s between two men?

So many questions come from thinking about this, whether single or in a relationship.  Because our definition of what a relationship changes. We change everyday. Whether it’s small, incremental notes or huge leaps there is still change. We mistake sex for a meaningful relationship when sometimes, it’s just sex. It makes me wonder sometimes if we just settle for the ideal and pursuit of monogamy because that’s the only thing we know.  Because that’s what fairytale and books and our parents taught us as children. The concept of true love only seems to happen in made up stories when you see everyone getting a divorce or hear of one or both of them have had infidelities.

We change so why not our perceptions on relationships? I know mine have in the long-term relationships I’ve had with men. In fact, the first relationship I had with a man was an open relationship. Even though the circumstances to it being open was because we weren’t out yet we still had all of those components that we defined. But our relationship didn’t end because I couldn’t handle it, we simply grew apart. My rules are of course were different then they are now because I want that closed type of relationship.

It all boils down to semantics. Because we need to be clear, no matter what your position on it, to understand where you stand on relationships and make that clear with the person(s) that you have this relationship. Communication is always the savoir or the downfall to every relationship so talk about what it means for you.

Hey Guys, Let’s Talk About Sex

FAY SIGH

What Is Sex

romantic, sweet, quiet, tongue, heat, rough, fast, sucking, dominating, raw, tender, hard, raunchy, passionate, wanking, deep, kinky, swelling, grabbing, warm, fingers, straddling each other, dripping, exquisite, moan, love making, spit, rubbing, pulling, sacred, lip biting, role play, kissing, scratching, loud, strong, naked, heart pounding, I love you, wet, grunting, smooth, exhausting, climax, freedom, musty, shaking, holding you close, knee buckling, throbbing, hands, grinding, submissive, hot, thrusting, screaming, dirty, euphoria, angry, holy shit, pinching, synchronized rhythm, firm thighs, panting, tasty, howling, engorged, soft, panting, sweaty, quivering, touch, way too slow, rope burn, sensual, groan, bliss, muscle aching, beautiful.

These adjectives, phrases, and emotions are what sum up my sexual experiences and what sex means or has meant to me at one point and time. With some of my ex partners, I experienced almost all of these adjectives at some point in our relationship and with others only one. I’m not ashamed of any of these because in those moments it was what I felt. As a result you can’t tell how many men I’ve slept with and more importantly you’ll eventually see why it doesn’t matter.

It occurred to me last night while talking to a twitter pal that this is the one topic I haven’t written about directly. I’ve mentioned it in other articles but usually as some bridge into a much more broader topic. There’s so much to it and we complicate it and misread all the signs so I won’t try to cover all of it. I just want to as succinctly as possible address what sex is and what sex means all the while being honest without using my educational background as a way to support my case. Just talking from my own personal experiences and things we all know about but maybe don’t admit.

All men, regardless of sexual orientation, think about sex every single day of our lives. Often, constantly, repeatedly, and sometimes annoyingly. Whenever we hear or see the word sex, our minds are bombarded with dozens of images that illustrate what sex means for us individually. We always get this tiny glimmer in our eye for a brief moment that we try to cover up as quickly as possible, probably as we are imagining what sex would be like with the most random person in our periphery.  We can become coy and reserved. Or sometimes bold and free. Almost always accompanied by sweaty hands and the bulging of our groin. Shy and secretive as we dare not look someone else in the eye for fear that they have discovered our dark, tantalizing fantasies. Or at least I don’t (but sometimes I do).

 

Some will criticize for how many men you’ve slept with and some will call you a prude, uptight, stuckup jackass for not doing it enough and that’s because everyone has their own idea of what sex means to them. Maybe it was the condtioning of all those lame 15 minute discussions we got every year in middle school from our awkward phys ed teacher or nervous reluctant parent that quietly is begging you not to ask any questions. No doubt on some subconcious level it comes from the religious right that believes there’s only one way to do it (oh and how wrong they are on that one). We apply so many titles to this three letter word. It starts in middle school gyms, cafeterias, notes between friends, and locker rooms. Funny how sex talk in these places doesn’t end after high school.

It has always bothered me when soothsayers within the community, although well meaning, feel that sexuality still has to fit this image of right and wrong. That we have to cover our shame and not be expressive of our sexual nature in public. And I while I respect their desire to help our community, I say to hell with that. Why repress that when coming out is such a process within it self. Most of us live the first two decades or more resisting and surpressing our desire for sex with men so why should we have to still fit into some mold of when and where we express that. Im not saying just go do it in front of the 7-11 for all to see. But why do we have to fit an ideal of sexuality from a society that still does not fully accept us?

Some of us may not want to admit this but our understanding of what sex means to us correlates to how we interact with each other on some level. We categorize the men we see and within the first few minutes (more like seconds) we know how far we’d let things go.  So we all do it or have done it at some point. We talk in codes trying to decipher whether he’s a bottom or top or verse before we get to know the guy’s last name (sometimes not even that). But sometimes we reevaluate those thoughts as we get to know them.

Sometimes sex is just sex. A physical expression of two people who are attracted to each other. A quick textual exchange of words and nude pics on Grindr and Scruff or twitter will do in a pinch, all leading to more. A blind date when you decide in the first 10 seconds that you don’t anything more than to get physical. A one night stand you take home from the gay club. The random guy from the grocery store. Quick and easy. Or marathon of good but it is still just sex.

And sometimes it’s the statement to love, a coming together of two beings and momentarily merging into one. Togetherness personified. Sometimes sex eloquently sums up all the emotions that you have ever felt and puts it into one, powerful, mind-blowing sequence of movements that drives you into complete ecstasy. It’s this build up and climax as all reason is lost and all rationale is vacant. Sometimes, with the right person, sex is simply beautiful because it is so much more than sex.

As men we need to know the difference between love and sex and that the two are not always interchangeable. Growing up when we see fairytales to action thrillers to even those weird zombie movies, we see a romanticizing  of sex and antiquate it to love. And as an adolescent I thought having sex is how love was and sex was an extension of that when that is not always the case. As adults, things are rarely as we believe them to be when we first discovered a concept or ideal about life. In fact the idea of sex equaling love more often is the exception to the rule and learned that very quickly after my first encounter with another man.

It’s probably one of the hardest emotions that we learn, if/when we actually choose to learn it. I’m a romantic and have been all my life and love to woo and be wooed (is that a word?). You see we often confuse that waltz known as flirting as the path down to love when it’s often nothing more than a guy wanting to get horizontal (or vertical…diagonally if you’re really talented) with you. And that’s okay if that’s all you want out of the exchange. It’s also okay if you want more than that. I hope the younger generation of men know that just because sex may be easier to find and get sex that it isn’t the staple of what sex means or could mean to them someday. I hope that my generation learns that too.

What we as gay men must do first and foremost is love ourselves, that ideal will always be paramount  to me. We must learn what sex means for us, whether it is just physical affection or the bridge to love. Be mindful that in different stages in our lives, sex will mean something more or less and we have to remember that this rule applies to the men we seek out. And it is okay to feel that way to feel either way, none at all, or both. Learn what it means for you and those you want to have sex with. And be honest.

The Yin And Yang Of Gay

yin yang

We look for signs everywhere in our life so that we can learn how to be balanced beings to live a productive life. We constantly examines ourselves both consciously and unconsciously to define who we are and what that means to us and those around us. We seek a balance in our thoughts and behaviors as it serves as a roadmap. And often due to the process of coming out and fully accepting our sexuality we somehow struggle with the concepts of masculine and feminine meanings and significance. Why does it seem like these concepts so often at odds with each other in our community rather than embraced?

When i examine where this conflict comes from, I always refer to the ancient philosophy of Yin and Yang. It describes us best to the principle of finding balance within ourselves. Both light and shadow, dominance and submission, the need for freedom and the need for comfort. These aspects are given feminine (yin) and masculine (yang) terminology, both not able to exist without the other. they pull strength from each other to become a complete being and maintain balance and harmony.

The concept of yin and yang is the thing we struggle with most as gay men because it encompesses so many aspects of how we see ourselves and how we live our lives. From awareness to society to self esteem, it is the one thing that we question the most. Some of us even openly categorize each other as “masculine” “straight-acting” or “feminine” and even with us gays, feminine given the bad (and inaccurate) reputation of being weaker.  Are we doing that because it pacifies the notion of what strong is? What we see as weak? Dominance over submission? Or is it just about control?

These ideals  of strong (masculinity) versus (feminine) weak are gaining momentum in the newer generation of gay men as so many only see a dominant top or power bottom. It creates more of some type of hierarchy rather than a classification of attributes. It’s odd that once we claim our sexuality, sometimes, some of us go out of our way to prove we’re still in step with this concept of what “real men” do and it leads some of us to shame the other.

You would think that coming out would be the greatest challenge we face but in truth it is only a step to an even greater process of acceptance and self awareness. And somewhere along the way we carry some of the stagnant ideology of what men say or do from our flawed society on to each other. It’s not the ideal or principles that I want future generations to inherit. With as much prejudice and namie calling  as we’ve had to endure, I don’t want to see that being what gay means to any one.

I understand where it comes from. Because unfortunately, even in this day and age, we’re bullied. beaten, harassed and even killed for who we are. I understand how masculinity is seen as protection. But I also feel that we can elevate ourselves without knocking someone else down.  Femininity is calculative and alluring. In how many philosophies  see masculinity as physical strength, femininity is seen as mental strength and not to be underestimated. Even with all that, some  still shame the yin to overcompensate for our yang. Some will lash out defiantly at any notion of femininity thereby degrading those of us that celebrate what is seen as feminine.

We struggle with these concepts, regardless of sexuality, within our selves and against our society. Women still have to fight for equal pay, and to have the freedom what to do with their own bodies. And men still have to conform to this ideal of masculinity, comepletely ignoring any attributeds that can be perceived as feminine because sadly, feminine is seen as weak. Most likely this struggle comes from out perceptions of social norms that dictate an archaic code of conduct. As a result a person will deny aspects of which are the most natural. When terms like effeminate are discouraged and masculine embraced when both are required to make us whole.

But to me, it takes so much strength to not only accept but also completely own our sexuality. Because as gay men, we defy and redesign the notion of what being a man means. Yet while doing so, we have to remember not to do the same to the same men fighting these barbaric stereotypes of what strength embodies. That feminine is just as valuable and strong as masculine.

The yin and yang of gay is so much more than the either or mentality we create. It is the greatest most beautiful thing we possess because whether or not we embrace both yin and yang, we have a greater understanding of both masculinity and feminine. We naturally blend elements of soft and hard effortlessly. Many of us had to declare our independence at an early age because there literally was no one else to stand up for us yet at the same time it made us find comfort within ourselves. And this is where our true strength comes from.

I advocate the concept of balance, and the yin and yang of gay not only within ourselves but our community because, more than anything else, I truly believe unity is our strength. All of us are both yin and yang. We are both domininant and submissive,  masucline and feminine. Shaming one while praising another makes both weaker both in our community and within ourselves. We have to remember that one cannot exist without the other.

 

When all of us as a communiity can truly achieve that, we will be unstoppable.

 

HIV Rates Still On The Rise For Gay Men; What More Can Be Done?

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), the number of HIV cases among gay men is still on the increase in their recent study. The CDC wisely uses terminology as Men Who Have Sex With Men (MSM) noting that not all of these men report as being gay or bisexual. After compiling new and active cases for the virus between 2007-2010, gay men still account for 78 percent of new cases of HIV. Other groups, like African American women, saw a significant decrease or the number of new cases are relatively the same.

The report also suggests that age plays a role in the number of new cases:

The number of new infections among the youngest MSM (aged 13-24) increased 22 percent, from 7,200 infections in 2008 to 8,800 in 2010. Young black MSM continue to bear the heaviest burden, accounting for more than half (55 percent) of new infections among young MSM (4,800). In fact, young black MSM now account for more new infections than any other subgroup by race/ethnicity, age, and sex. There was a 12 percent increase in HIV incidence among MSM overall, from 26,700 in 2008 to 29,800 in 2010.

Executive Director of the AIDS institute, Michael Ruppal, feels that more focus in the higher demographics in new cases of race and age need to be implemented:

Because gay men account for 66 percent of all new infections, we must increase the focus of our prevention programs for gay men, particularly young and black gay men,

With all that in mind, how do we help reduce these nmumbers, and more importantly help ensure that the spread of HIV is no more? The CDC suggests many of the same techniques that have been employed by activists and address the issue of homophobia being a factor in racial.ethnic communities (though not of the same magnitude this is seen in all communities). And the CDC suggests the same guidlines for prevention *contraceptives, sterile needles, momogamy, talking) but is it enough?

Of course it’s not and it won’t be until we as a society collectively end the stigma surrounding sexuality. Using old verbiage like monogamy is to me counterproductive and part of the problem. Why? Becuase it suggests that the iincreasing number of people that nave poly-amorous relationships aren’t concerned with ‘these numbers.

My point is, it’s how you relate this information to others I believe helps promote understanding and prevention. These sterile techniques need to be revamped. Elaborate on this conversation that relationships have evolved. And while we still have sigmas surrounding homosexuality in higher amounts to some ethnic/racial groups, it is paramount that we reach out and try to understand why those stigmas got there to begin with,

 

American Family Association Spokesdouche Bryan Fischer: Homosexuality Is A Birth Defect

“Now these researchers are quite at pains to avoid saying anything like this, but the logic to me seems inescapable: Homosexual children, on this theory, are born evolutionarily and genetically disadvantaged. They have been overexposed or underexposed to testosterone because something has gone wrong in the process of genetic transmission. In other words, they are the product of a genetic abnormality at best, a birth defect at worst. I expect many abortion-minded parents will want to know exactly how strong this epi-marker is in their unborn children so they can decide whether or not to exercise reproductive choice. In fact, I expect that if this theory gains some currency, it will not be long before we have legislation from the homosexual lobby prohibiting ‘sex-selection’ abortions on any child carrying this epi-marker.” – American Family Association spokesdouche  Bryan Fischer, commenting on the study released yesterday stating that homosexuality is epigenetic, not a genetic link.

American Savage – Dan Savage: Normal Sex? “We Are All Fucking Crazy Freaks” – Video

Dan Savage talks about what crosses the line between normal vs. weird sex.   Also, why society has created a hierarchy of sex, wherein some types of sex are considered acceptable and others are not.

Get yer freak on!

“Heterosexuality is not normal…it’s just common.” – Dorothy Parker

Current TV’s John Fugelsang Talks Sodomy vs. Jesus – Somewhere Bill Donohue’s Head Is Exploding

 

The awesome John Fuglesang explains what Sodoma and Gomorrah is really all about…..   Not offering strangers some coffee and cake.

Who knew?

(What is it with all these ultra hot LGBT straight allies? Cohen, Kluwe, FUGELSANG!)

Rock Goddess Pink Opens Up About Her Sexuality

Recently the immensely talented music artist Pink talks about why she has always been accepting of differing sexuality. Pink makes note that this is a result of her experiences growing up and when she was just starting out in the music business:

The kind of world I live in and lived in was this sort of very open one. I was like a club kid. I was a little candy raver, and I am the kind of person that sucks the marrow out of the bones of life. Those days were really crazy and lots of all-nighters. And with a bunch of other kids that were trying to find themselves and have a good time doing it and get out from under their parents — and there was a lot of ecstasy. And as far as I’m concerned, when you’re on ecstasy there’s no such thing as definable sexuality. There is just love.

I loved my little girlfriends and we kissed and we had a great time and we held hands. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was an honorary lesbian of Los Angeles. I wasn’t gay, but all my girlfriends were. So no, it wasn’t a big deal for me, but when [a tabloid] comes out and says, I just said I was bisexual, it’s like what? That wasn’t my truth, and I like truth. I like absolute truth.” 

Pink clarifies that the incident in the tabloid was not because she was afraid of labels, but rather that she has always been open about her sexuality and was upset that the story was fabricated. She goes on to say that in the end, she doesn’t place judgement and welcomes open-mindedness to all including:

“Different thought processes and sexualities…as long as everybody in the group is open-minded and doesn’t judge anybody else, it’s a lovely place to be—it’s how the whole world should be.”

She is so down to Earth and humble about where she comes from. A true class act.