In a sign of these strange times, the city Health Department has issued a stunningly blunt memo on how to stay clean while doing the dirty during the global coronavirus pandemic. First and foremost on its two-page list of tips: sex is safest with oneself.
“Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after,” the department wrote.
Good news, though, “COVID-19 has not yet been found in semen or vaginal fluid,” the notice says. If you do have sex with another human, make sure it is “with people close to you,” like someone you live with. If sex with strangers is your thing, the agency suggests “video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.”
A deaf man in Brooklyn, NY has filed a class-action lawsuit against the adult website PornHub alleging the site is in violation of federal law because he can’t fully enjoy the porn videos the site provides because they don’t provide closed captioning.
Yaroslav Suris claims that the popular porn site has violated his and others’ rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act because the deaf and hearing-impaired can’t understand the audio portion of the skin flicks.
Suris claime that he had tried to watch and could not fully enjoy titles that included ‘Hot Step Aunt Babysits Disobedient Nephew,’ ‘Sexy Cop Gets Witness to Talk’ and ‘Daddy 4K ,’ but couldn’t get through the dialogue in the flicks for lack of subtitles.
The lawsuit claims: “The websites are ‘places of public accommodation’ which deny equal access to their video content which is available to hearing individuals and violates the ADA,” according to the lawsuit.
The ADA prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities in areas of “employment, transportation, public accommodations, communications and access to state and local government programs and services,” according to the US Department of Labor.
Courtesy of Brigham Young University–Idaho comes this creepy and hysterical public service message to male students urging them to identify friends they think are masturbating too much to religious officials, and comparing the gesture to rescuing a fellow soldier during war.
“If you need to, talk to your bishop,” school president Kim B. Clark says in the video, “Wounded On The Battlefield,” aka “Saving Private Hardon” which was released last month. “Tell someone who can do something that you have a friend in trouble.”
“A lonely, confused young man gets addicted to pornography. His roommates know, but they do nothing to help him.”
Jeez, guys, can’t somebody just lend the poor guy a hand?
A recent press release was sent out to many right-wing religious newsites announcing the formation of new political party called the New Independent Christian Party, which bills itself, tellingly, as “the Party of No Compromise.”
A better billing would be “the Party of Extreme Religious Terrorism and Hate” as its first meme sent out by co-founder (and prophetess OMFG) Janice Fountaine states that gays and masturbation are part of Satan’s army!
“The practice of homosexuality and self-pleasure, are age old systems, being recharged and reorganized for end-time warfare. It is being orchestrated from the diabolical realms of the supernatural and manifested on earth, with the overall intention, to silence the church forever. These actions, by satan, is an all out declaration of victory, as the church finds itself caught off guard and intertwined in his evil end-time warafre, strategies and systems.”
Insanity is not only running through this message it’s fucking galloping!
Well maybe the “Fucking Insane Party of No Compromise” will help carve up the GOP vote.
Now if you excuse me I have to go praise Satan for my Fleshlight and Falcon videos.
The internet is abuzz with the fact that actor and comedienne Fred Willard was arrested for lewd conduct last night in a Hollywood XXX Theatre when police allegedly caught Willard with his pants down, and his penis exposed and in his hand.
BIG FRACKING DEAL.
What the hell would you be expected to do while watching an adult film in an adult theatre? Thats what they are there for. So it’s no big shock that guys go in there and jerk off and in some cases even have sex.
At 8:30 pm on Wednesday night supposedly the LAPD decided to do a random walk through of the Tiki Adult Theatre in Holly wood, CA. And the LAPD are insisting that it wasn’t a raid because when Adult Theaters in Los Angeles get their license, they have to allow Police in whenever they want … to inspect.
Other than the fact that the Los Angeles has already had over 54,000+ reports of violent/property crimes and over 8,000 cases of Child/Spousal abuse so far this year. You would think that they would have something better to do wouldn;t you? How many REAL CRIMES with REAL VICTIMS were committed in Hollywood last night while these voyeur cops were trolling adult theatres looking for guys with their hands on thier junk for an easy arrests?
But even with all that aside. If an adult wants to visit a private establishment such as an Adult Movie theatre (which by the way has no other reason for being in existence other than to jerk off and/or have sex) and jack off with or have sex with another adult consensual then that is their business and should not be a crime.
Putting your personal opinions aside. There is no valid reason why someone should be treated as a criminal and stigmatized for such a victimless crime.
In my opinion just for the fact that at age 73 Fred Willard could get it up to wank it makes him deserving of a medal. Not arrest.
STOP THE SEX PANIC!