MTV’s resident guidos Ronnie, The Situation, and Vinnie appear on the cover of the Village Voice shirtless this week. No big deal, right? Well apparently the “boys” didn’t know it was for the “Queer Issue.” Is Ronnie gonna call somebody a faggot over the bait-and-switch? (Oh, and can we finally all agree that Ronnie aka The Jersey doughboy is FAT? I mean really. It ooks like Ronnie spent all his earnings from last season at Dunkin Donuts and Pizza Hut. Or maybe its just the puffy stage of the steroid cycle)
You have to admit Jersey Shore is kinda queer, even though no one in the cast has thier heels tp the ceiling—at least on camera. But there is still something gay about them. The story The Situation and company’s photoshoot illustrates is about guidos secretly having sex with men. But there is something that the article only touches on that makes the cast of Jersey Shore gay: it’s their look. The bloated muscles, the flat abs, the assistance of steroid, a maniacal devotion to the gym, the love of house music, the tribal tattoos, the designer sunglasses, the fake tans, the heavily groomed hair, the waxed eybrows, the designer jeans. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re watching Jersey Shore or walking up Eighth Avenue in gay old Chelsea in the ’90s.!
The Village Voice cover story is about gay Jersey Shore fellas, many of them closeted, cruising the “Guido Riviera” in search of ass just like their heterosexual counterparts.
At least one of [hot tub party thrower Craig Austin’s] regulars is testing the waters of Asbury Park: “Dino,” a self-described “horny 25-year-old,” could have been ordered straight from Jersey Shore Central Casting. A grad student who lives in the Bronx, he is out to his second-generation Italian family, with whom he summers with in Seaside, but “nobody talks about it,” he says. “It’s never mentioned. That’s the mentality still for Italian families—homosexuality isn’t OK.”
Dino is very much in the closet with his Seaside volleyball buddies, and although he does troll Asbury at night, he doesn’t care for that scene. If complicated, Dino doesn’t seem particularly tortured. He’s more bifurcated, right down to his wardrobe. “I would never wear this on the boardwalk in Seaside,” he says of the neon-green American Eagle polo that hugs his tight physique. “It’s too gay. And I don’t see any reason to flaunt being gay in a place where it’s not accepted.”
Now I don’t think The Situation, Ronnie, or Vinny suck dick, (Well maybe after 2 six-packs and a joint) And we do need to give KUDOS to The VV for a trick well played. But these boys should have known. After all isn’t EVERY issue of the Village Voiice a QUEER ISSUE?
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