Cleveland Hotels Report Huge Losses In White Sheets After The Republican National Convention Leaves City

Cleveland Hotels Report Huge Loses In White Sheets After The Republican National Convention Leaves City

Hotels in Cleveland. Ohio are reporting thousands of dollars worth of hotel linens missing after the mass exodus of Republican delegates and guests at the end of the Republican National Convention.

“It’s the damnedest thing I have ever seen” said Maria Dekker head of housekeeping at The Cleveland Hyatt House. “Room after room. All the sheets and pillowcases are gone.” Dekker said. “And the strangest thing is that they left the all the towels and toiletries and just took the white sheets!”

At least 20 other hotels in Cleveland have reported the same strange linen thefts. ” This will cost us thousands upon thousands of dollars to replace all this linen” said Cheryl Watkins, Manager of The Essex House. “Its like a swarm of locust hit the hotel.”

But that not all. Complaints from the city’s hotel’s house housekeeping staff have been at an all time high during the convention. Maria Salazar head housekeeper at Essex House explains. “They were pigs and didn’t tip any of my staff” said Salazar. “Some of my housekeepers couldn’t even make it into the rooms while they were here. The attendees would pile their luggage in the foyer of the room creating a wall and would tape signs to the front saying “Stay Out” and “Go Back Where You Came From” in both on the front of the luggage.”

And if the the rude behavior and thievery was not enough there was also the smell.

“We are going to have to fumigate every room” said Watkins. “The smell of decay and carrion just permeated everything. This is a huge financial loss. But at least we got off better than the Cleveland Convention Center. The hazmat cleaning bills for them are going to be enormous.”


*This article is satire. Or is it?

12 thoughts on “Cleveland Hotels Report Huge Losses In White Sheets After The Republican National Convention Leaves City

  1. Satire but I’d sure like to believe it was true. I suspect the quality of these hotel sheets are a much better quality than you can buy at Walmart when dressing for a fire dance and a march into black neighborhoods.

  2. America sounds like a very strange place viewed from the other side of the Atlantic. This story seems no less likely than the very weird choice of Republican presidential candidate. And yet the current president appears quite normal. Most of my impressions come via Hollywood so perhaps it’s all just a joke.

    1. No joke, I’m afraid. (The United States of) America now *is* a very strange place, especially considering the VERY WEIRD choice of Republican presidential candidate…until you look at the advent of the Tea Party, which spawned the likes of Sarah Palin (former Republican Veep candidate), Michelle Bachmann, Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, and a plethora of others I could go on about ad nauseam. The Tea Party is the nightmare spawn of the fundamentalist Religious Right (today known collectively as evangelical Christians), though I can find nothing Christ-like in their attitudes or agendas.
      What Donald Trump has very successfully managed to do is bring every single racist, misogynistic, immigrant-hating, xenophobic member of every Jerry Springer audience and panel out from under their assorted slimy rocks and crumbling bridges to troll everyone else who doesn’t think like them: with their brain stem.
      On the other side, there is “BusinessAsUsual” HRClinton, whom many profess to find distasteful, but will vote for anyway…because she’s the “lesser of two evils.”
      It seems that self-described “Democratic Socialist” Bernie Sanders feels that his job is done until he heads back to the Senate…but the changes he pushed (and many, like me, would’ve voted him in) for, are only as lasting as HRC’s lipstick, in my humble opinion. We won’t really know if it’s just her merely appearing to agree until he shuts up so she can get on with her agenda, until after the November elections…which may take even longer to determine the outcome of than George “Dubya” Bush’s second term results.
      About as much fun as Brexit, I’d say…only with the potential of a much more massive hangover, as well as 4 years’ worth of morning-after regrets.

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