Reddit user RegBarc posted this heartbreaking true story and letter from his father after coming out to him in 2007 and the ramifications of the words that anti-gay hate mongers and “loving christians” like Bryan Fischer, Tony Perkins and even Dan Cathy has caused in his life.
In August of 2007, I finally built up the courage to tell my father I was gay. The moment I said it, the phone got quiet and he got off the phone after a few “Okay”s. I decided to give him time to process the news. About a week later, and not long before my birthday, I received the following letter:
“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad.”
It’s important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I’ve never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn’t drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: F**k you, Dad.
What type of man would walk away from his little boy forever over something like this?
No REAL man at all.
Another disgusting example of so-called “Christian Love”!
I understand how James must feel but I do hope he will be the bigger man when the time comes and attend his father’s funeral and remember the good times. He must understand that his father is a god fearing hate filled christian with a rotting soul. Bless James. I am sure his life is better without this disease in his life.
I, too was disowned – a long time ago, when I was 19. We eventually spoke again, but I can’t say that we ever truly reconciled, because he never did come to accept that I am a gay man. He refused to see it or deal with it.
My father was not a bad man, but he made a decision not to face something outside his experience, and we were all the poorer for it. He was afraid, and let that fear make his choice for him. When he died, we had as much resolved between us as was ever going to happen in this world, yet he died knowing so little about my life, so little about my own joys and sadnesses, because I could not share much with him: only the superficial things. He died not knowing that I had found love and had made a home for myself.
Other fathers like mine, like James’ have changed in time. Maybe this will be one of them, though I sadly doubt it. James’ father was not even brave enough to speak to him face-to-face, not even brave enough to talk to him on the phone. James’ father is not just a bigot, he is a coward of the very weakest sort. I pity him.
And I feel so badly for James. I can tell there is hurt and anger: I still have a reside of my own hurt and anger, 30-some years later. It’s a wound that never truly heals: you just learn to make your life larger and so full of other things that the pain is no longer enough to matter much against the totality of your life.
My heart is sore for you, James. I was fortunate to be raised in a Baptist home with parents and family that have always been supportive. My Christian father said,”I’m your father, I’ve seen who you are from the beginning if your life. I know first hand that you didn’t choose it, or make any decision or have any life event that caused it. I know from watching you that you were born with the feelings and love that you have. You are my son and I’ve never been ashamed of you.” I know how fortunate I am. It’s such a difficult time to be LGBTQ. We have made great strides in coming out and fighting for equality. But the opposition is so hate filled and hurtful. I pray for all our struggles and support all with love.
Sincerely,
John