Oregon State University offensive lineman Tyler Patrick Thomas has been dismissed from the team after police say they found him naked and intoxicated in a stranger’s home and had to use stun guns to take him into custody.

Responding officers ordered 19-year-old Tyler to get on the ground,  Thomas refused and instead dropped into a three-point stance like a football player and lunged at the officers. At that point, he said, two officers fired their stun guns. Police say Tyler “absolutely was intoxicated” at the time.

So tell me.  Why am I never lucky ever come home to drunken beefy naked college football players at my house?