Tag Archives: Suffrage Movement

When Are We Going To Reach Out To Each Other To Stop The Violence and Oppression

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These truly are trying times for our society where we have to ask what we are doing wrong. Why are the issues of racism, homophobia and sexism still plaguing our society? Why are the freedoms, rights, and protections that many have fought and died for in generations’ past being circumvented by those proclaiming God’s Law into the laws of man? Why do we have to fear for the safety of our children now, with more awareness and social consciousness, than any other generation before us while protections against discrimination are being ripped away? Why are women beginning to lose complete, autonomous control of what they can or cannot do with their bodies? Why are minorities still facing so much adversity?

The truth is that those issues never left us, rather they are momentarily placed in our periphery until we are forced to see what our extremists, or ignorance, or complacency has brought upon us.  You see, the questions are never easy to say out loud while admitting the complexity to the answers because doing so leaves us with even more confusion than before. A quick look at the highly biased media is a testament of the roller coaster for the past several months and what it means to be a minority in this country.

Our very existence has been the epicenter for challenging the opinion of social constructs, political reform and change. The lows have been painful and the highs brief because it shows how much more work needs to be done. But the worst part of all of this is when adversity, animosity and sometimes violence that is being directed at us, those of us that understand the plight because it so often mirrors the same struggle, is never held prolonged attention to the other groups. In other words we don’t help each other out.

We are fragmented. We see each other during moments of great pain but don’t take the active steps to ease the pain. Possibly even prevent them. Why? Because one group feels like even though they understand our pain that they don’t truly know it. Or that by that associating with that group will make them look worse. Or complacency. Or apathy. Or who knows what else.

So much debate is also centered on how we are not listening to each other. What’s in place is awkward statements, tension then resentment.  We should be united and feel united not like forced coworkers we exchange pleasantries to keep up appearances. Kind words are wonderful in times of great pain, confusion and doubt. At least they are for the short term. But what happens months later is a fleeting memory because we as a society have adapted the mentality where we will discard anything we feel does not directly affect us. Then this cycle of no progress continues. But we cannot allow it to continue this way.

As a gay African American man I do not always feel completely welcomed in the two groups I belong to. Maybe that is some latent insecurity of mine that I haven’t dealt with that bubbles up to the surface. Or maybe it is because I see the dissension between these two groups. Maybe it’s because of the numerous times one or both has confronted me about the other part of me they are unable to fully accept because of preconceived notions. I know it’s not just me that experiences the same sensation.

And when people like me witness tragedies that affect one group the most being ignored and cast aside it makes me extremely frustrated and sad. It makes me think of how much more progress would be made if these groups united together under the same cause. That I am constantly hoping that these groups will see the vested interests they share more rather than the differences. That all these groups will come together work together while supporting each other.

Just because we belong to a marginalized group does not mean we cannot not hold the same prejudices towards another minority. We cannot afford to be only for “us” anymore. We have to be for everyone.

For instance today a letter recognizing the travesty in our judicial system that denied Trayvon Martin and his family the justice they deserved this weekend was sent as a means of comfort. Will any efforts to prevent further travesties be made by the core LGBT groups like how to prevent things like this from ever happening again or will it be forgotten?

When will HRC and GLAAD and other Gay Inc. organizations realize that marriage equality is not the only focus that this community needs? When will they notice that there are people of color that are targeted in the same manner Trayvon was which led to his murder. That more comprehensive attention needs to be focused on the members of this community that feel like they have no voice at all because both sides continue to believe the other will take up the slack?

Same goes for the African American community leaders like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. When will the NAACP take steps to be truly inclusive of all its brothers and sisters that feel left out because our needs as queer men and women are far too often ignored? How many more cases like Mark Carson or Marco McMillian are going to happen before they acknowledge that there are people of color being left behind? Are they willing to see the bias that exists within the organization? Is it fear or willful ignorance that I feel like barely a mention was given to either of these men in a time where being of two minorities makes some of us even more 0f a target for hate, discrimination, and violence.

The story of Carlos Vigil is a prime example of the need for unity. This teen felt so lost because of the pain and shame that was being placed upon him that he felt he had no other reprieve than to take his own life. Were there other factors that contributed to his untimely passing like that of his ethnicity or race? Sadly we will never know the answer but why ever leave something like that to chance? It is our responsibility as activists and advocates to stop assuming and reach out whenever we see someone struggle, whether they belong to our community or not because they are all a part of community.

So where do we start? We need to look at various organizations that are fighting for equal rights. I’ve written several times about the intersectionality that exist within our society that makes so many feel left out because they are being left out, cast aside, or sadly forgotten. This dichotomous existence, an intersection of self where one’s cultures conflict or are apathetic to each other. It’s like a family where we see two parents fighting in front of their child then looking for them to pick a side. It makes coming out harder because you feel like no one will listen to what problems you face by other members of either community.

This is not limited to LGBT people of color. It goes with gender, class, age, education, and many other demographics work within this paradigm. It is a demanding emotional exercise to constantly feel you have to reconcile aspects of yourself that within yourself work so well but to the rest of the world doesn’t fit. Ignoring it by the leaders of these groups only make it worse.

We see that lesson in the interview given by Juror B37 of Trayvon’s case as a prime example of what willful ignorance looks like and what happens afterward. All the while she describing why a she sided with a murderer rather than a child, her rhetoric was nothing but it’s not our problem, its theirs”. She so easily believed that the issues we have faced in the past like racism have already been dealt with when in reality they still plague our society. Since she believed it didn’t directly affect her that she only focused on the person she related to, the murderer.

Another example is the controversy surrounding the Cheerios commercial of an interracial couple and their daughter that was subsequently followed by the torrents of racism after it aired. Then we see children being interviewed about the controversy and then are grateful to hear they are fine with the notion of races mixing. It’s heartwarming and innocent. But it is also a part of the problem. We assume all will be well even from not knowing if the sample of children that participated in this feel good antidote was demographically diverse. Because if they were all from big northern metropolitan cities like New York, they aren’t a true representation because there are children in the south that certainly would have already been taught to hate differences.

What I’m saying is that our society too often is willing to blindly accept anything that helps them escape the truth. And even though we should be concerned with how our views affect the future, we need to be just as focused on the adults who have the power now. The ones that are on varying levels teaching hate. This is an example of us not dealing with what is right in front of us. It makes us complacent and more willing to accept more of the same.

Well I’m sorry but I have had enough of that formula. There is too much frustration and hurt that means we have to make analogies or be crass in order for you to hear our collective voices when we tell each other we all have a component the other side(s) need. How many more times will we keep ignoring each other instead of taking formal steps to build the nonexistent bridges?

I do not want these layers of prejudice and hate and ignorance and apathy and division we quietly accept in this country to pass on to another generation. I do not want our generation to continue the same traditions of fear based either in faith or bigotry that we encourage by not openly discussing our differences to bring forth understanding. And I don’t want us to continue the dialogue where we are too rigid in our mindset or beliefs that we are bot at least willing to see and hear a viewpoint different than our own.

There are a lot of families in pain right now. We need to ensure that no other family has to go through it.

 

Do Unto Lesbians As We Do Unto Gay Men

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What an incredible few weeks it has been for the LGBT community. More evidence that our victories are reflective of the evolution that our country has seen this past year. With the news of Rhode Island and Delaware officially becoming the 10th and 11th states to recognize same sex marriage our efforts are truly showing progress. That coupled with Jason Collins, a veteran and still active NBA player coming out of the closet, a new precedence in our history illustrates what an immense breakthrough for our entire society.

Though there have been a few detractors that have strayed away from the significance of Collins’ coming out, this story has inspired so many men and women already to live and celebrate who they really are no matter what. It shows the world how the process of coming out is a harrowing but worthwhile journey, Even in this day and age it takes courage to come out no matter the circumstances or demographics an individual represents. Yet coming out on such a large scale, knowing the varying scenarios that can arise as a result of such a personal admission needs to be recognized.

I was so happy to see the amount of support this man was receiving for, unknowingly to him, taking LGBT community into another level of awareness. It shows the true diversity that this community is comprised of different ethnicity and races while providing greater emphasis on our different interests like sports. This story also showed that as a whole we do not reflect the stereotypes often projected in the media and even if we do, that we are so much more than those perceived notions of behavior. It brought tears to my eyes seeing an outpour of love that basketball fans and just progressive people that are willing and able to accept our sexuality is remarkable.

But for me a moment of pride and celebration was muted and met with a building frustration as time progressed. Because I began to think of Brittney Griner, an up and coming WNBA star that just came out last week as she was drafted. I kept thinking where is the outpouring of support for this woman? Are there not women that are still in the closet that may have just as hard a time coming out than a man? These questions began to swirl around and I felt that asking them was somehow diminishing the impact of Collins’ story. So I waited to write this because I did not want my opinion to seem as though I was trying to overshadow or diminish the monumental part of our history in the LGBT community when Jason Collins came out this week.

I didn’t like this feeling. I did not like that if felt that our society values the experiences of a man more so than a woman. That her story is not given the same value of a man. And when I brought this up in social media and in general conversation, the responses like “who is that?” or “who cares about the WNBA” or that lesbians don’t have to endure the same as gay men it frustrated me even more. It did more than that; it angered me, deeply.

The media itself did not do much better. Griner was given a 30 second spot on the 11 o’clock news and not much else. Nike even signed a deal with Griner and most LGBT news sites, blogs, and other reporting outlets have barely spoken a word about her, if they mentioned her at all. And Collins has had 24 hour coverage since his story broke. No covers on magazines. No invites to speak on radio and numerous tv interviews. As far as I know she hasn’t been invited to the White House either. Though her story has just as much impact on the women that are still in the closet, and looking for a face to show them that they can succeed at all their goals.

We forget how there was a long, arduous struggle that women had to endure just to be able to play sports yet it is still openly acceptable to criticize, even joke about their participation professionally. The Suffrage Movement was what led to the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s which led to the civil rights movement of today. To learn through our history how much women;s history influenced so much of our own only to be given less emphasis is unsettling. To be shown so little respect deeply disturbs me and once again reminded me of the other times where this community is not as welcoming as it appears.

As I read more breaking stories about Collins, more of the news read event as “Jason Collins, The First Out Professional Athlete” when that was not true. Men and women have been coming out in professional sports for years. We’ve had representation in boxing like Orlando Cruz along with a plethora of women that have come out in nearly every professional sport. It showed me where our priorities are and have always been and it does not feel like true equality.

This community does not fight as hard for the rights and recognition of women. How the bisexual men and women in this community are often laughed at and not given the platform of gay men in this community. How race/ethnicity is at times just as big an issue in this community as it is in the rest of society, sometimes even more so when there are gay men that believe that it is impossible for them to be racist. At times the open misogyny that some practice in this community angers me more than the total disregard of intersectionality, which women in this community also have to endure. I can only imagine the experiences women have to endure when they are slighted by a community that does not reach out to them.

It angered me to feel that the same misogyny that society embodies as a whole still has a grasp and is being kept alive by some members of this community. When I brought this to the attention of HRC they ignored it, which with some of the stories and rumors of their transphobia and lack of diversity within the organization I should not have been surprised. That angered me even more as I thought about how too often organizations like HRC and GLAAD set the tone of what this country sees as LGBT when it’s mostly comprised only of affluent gay men. They either didn’t feel a woman coming out was not as important or did not care

Our society still sexualizes women habitually and when she discloses her sexuality it is fetishized and not respected. Because we all know that there is this belief by some that it’s easier for a woman coming out. That us gay men have an immensely hard time coming out because of all the societal pressures, cultural norms and gender roles placed on us. That we are bullied more, threatened and attacked more as gay men.

It’s a common belief that most if not all women that play professional sports in any capacity is written off automatically as a lesbian when that isn’t true either. And if people believe that, since their sexuality is inferred that lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered women athletes have it easier. But if f we took the time out to read the varying challenges that women like Griner face, like bullying, fear of being judged, inner turmoil, then we’d give stories like hers much more agency.

Women are teased if they do things that no other women do or see as “normal” . Yet as a community our understanding of how similar the adversity we face is forgotten. Even with how much as some of the leaders of this community pride themselves on pushing forward equality in the rest of society, we need to do the same thing within and properly recognize the issues we do not focus on enough.

Women, like Griner, and their accomplishments should not be met with such disregard and apathy. To hear this kind of rhetoric from gay men, that know the varying degrees of discrimination and insensitivity directed towards us would with such a flat affect deeply disturbed me. I had to reconcile my strong opinion with adequately explaining the justification of my immense frustration on how easily we lose insight and focus of other members of this community.

I understand how important this story is because it challenges so many disparaging beliefs of what gay men look like and goes even further to illustrate that gay men are athletic and fit into the broad definition of what society thinks masculinity looks like. That we can love throwing a 3-point shot as much as he can love hair and fashion. But the stories of our sisters are ignored, overshadowed, or forgotten far too often.

We cannot ignore this problem, or continue with this air of displaced interests and lack of love toward the women in this community who deserve to be recognized just as much as the men. We need to remember that just as there’s some guy in college that plays basketball feels he can be out and proud because of James Collins that the same must be true of a woman feeling proud of what Brittney Griner has done for women. Let’s give the same recognition to women as we do men. We can do better.