Tag Archives: internalized misogyny

Lauryn Hill’s Latest Song Reveals Potential Anti-Gay Message

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LaurynHill

Today, Lauryn Hill is finding herself in some hot water, and it’s not because of her tax evasion, its coming from her fans after they discovered some anti-gay and suggestively homophobic lyrics to her latest song titled, Neurotic Society. Upon further analysis of the song, the song implies that society is being overran be gender bending effeminate men and is leading to our downfall. Though some analysts have tried to find alternative meanings to who exactly Hill is confronting with the the aggressive lyrics but there is little more to infer from them.

The meaning of the song came under more scrutiny as a reporter for BET.com, Dr. Monica Miller analysed the song released days before Hill was sent to federal prison for three months for failure to pay her taxes. Here’s what Miller had to say:

Whether or not Hill is merely using these comments as examples of the smokescreens and sleight-of-hands that pervade this “Neurotic Society” is unclear. Beyond intention, these sorts of statements suggest that society is in a shambles because it’s been taking too many cues from the LGBTQ community, acting like “girl men,” “drag queens” and “transvestites.” Is her beef with oppressive society or is her issue with people who don’t abide by a traditional family structure?

On a more personal note, I have been a fan of Lauryn Hill for as long as she has had a viable career in music. She has a raw talent that is rare and so ethereal that before all this, her message really spoke to me. What was once a message of understanding the paradigms that can consume us and our society seem to have had such an extremist effect on Lauryn, thereby she now feels she has to label anything she doesn’t see in her vision of truth, and that makes me the enemy.

At first when I heard the song Neurotic Society I admit that I didn’t listen to the words or what they implied because I stopped halfway through. It was all spoken word and did not resemble the voice that I fell in love with all those years ago. But reading the lyrics today, I do not recognize the empress of freedom fighting lyricist that I had come accustomed to in my earlier youth. What was in place was an extremist that seemed to be blaming the world’s problems (and her own) on everyone else, most notably the LGBT community, my community.

It was suggestive of us being the reason that the world is falling apart much like the racist of yesteryear (and still to this day) for the downfall of society. All because of African Americans, another community that I belong to, are becoming more successful and recognized in society. It felt so hypocritical and it hurt to see someone who you’ve admired for so long be so passionate about calling you a sinner. There’s no way for me to see an adequate defense of what she wrote in these lyrics:

We’re living in a joke time, metaphorical coke time
Commerce and girl men
Run the whole world men

Or these:

Whole world run savagely
Greedy men and pride fiends
Program TV screens
Quick scam and drag queens
Real life’s been blasphemed
Think twice its past dream

Other than having a misguided ideal of what a man is, these lyrics are highly suggestive that men cannot be feminine which is at best misogyny and at worst blatant homophobia. It stings to have someone you’ve admired for so long be so demeaning about everything you are. It took me years to process what it means for me to be both an African American and a gay man in our society, so I cannot and will not defend this confrontational homophobia disguised as liberal freedom fighting against oppression.

She’s subscribing to the same rhetoric that racists partake in when calling us names and saying we’re all the same when we are not. Claiming the need to save our souls while their own seems to be in perpetual turmoil and delusion. How can she save us when she can’t even save herself is the first question she should think about. it cheapens the perspective that she once was so clear in presenting, but all I can hear is anger and ignorance. In my opinion, this scenario is no different a racist that calls for attention. I’d rather her just say it rather than try (and fail) at being clever.

We have been judged and bullied to death, both figuratively and literally because of we you are. With as smart and insightful as she herself claims to be, you’d think she’d be able to see the similarities instead of adding to tension of two communities differences that does nothing but separate. How can someone promote freedom while oppressing another? I’ve supported this artist for her unbelievable talents for almost two decades but sadly that has ended today. The beauty I once believed to be so rare and talent I believed so unique and progressive has faded to nothing more than grandstanding.

I will always support freedom Lauryn, freedom of expression and voice and the ability to illustrate our innate talents in whatever fashion someone sees fit. But I will never support hate, and what your definition stands for because it is no longer a message, it’s hate.

Do Unto Lesbians As We Do Unto Gay Men

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BiSexual

What an incredible few weeks it has been for the LGBT community. More evidence that our victories are reflective of the evolution that our country has seen this past year. With the news of Rhode Island and Delaware officially becoming the 10th and 11th states to recognize same sex marriage our efforts are truly showing progress. That coupled with Jason Collins, a veteran and still active NBA player coming out of the closet, a new precedence in our history illustrates what an immense breakthrough for our entire society.

Though there have been a few detractors that have strayed away from the significance of Collins’ coming out, this story has inspired so many men and women already to live and celebrate who they really are no matter what. It shows the world how the process of coming out is a harrowing but worthwhile journey, Even in this day and age it takes courage to come out no matter the circumstances or demographics an individual represents. Yet coming out on such a large scale, knowing the varying scenarios that can arise as a result of such a personal admission needs to be recognized.

I was so happy to see the amount of support this man was receiving for, unknowingly to him, taking LGBT community into another level of awareness. It shows the true diversity that this community is comprised of different ethnicity and races while providing greater emphasis on our different interests like sports. This story also showed that as a whole we do not reflect the stereotypes often projected in the media and even if we do, that we are so much more than those perceived notions of behavior. It brought tears to my eyes seeing an outpour of love that basketball fans and just progressive people that are willing and able to accept our sexuality is remarkable.

But for me a moment of pride and celebration was muted and met with a building frustration as time progressed. Because I began to think of Brittney Griner, an up and coming WNBA star that just came out last week as she was drafted. I kept thinking where is the outpouring of support for this woman? Are there not women that are still in the closet that may have just as hard a time coming out than a man? These questions began to swirl around and I felt that asking them was somehow diminishing the impact of Collins’ story. So I waited to write this because I did not want my opinion to seem as though I was trying to overshadow or diminish the monumental part of our history in the LGBT community when Jason Collins came out this week.

I didn’t like this feeling. I did not like that if felt that our society values the experiences of a man more so than a woman. That her story is not given the same value of a man. And when I brought this up in social media and in general conversation, the responses like “who is that?” or “who cares about the WNBA” or that lesbians don’t have to endure the same as gay men it frustrated me even more. It did more than that; it angered me, deeply.

The media itself did not do much better. Griner was given a 30 second spot on the 11 o’clock news and not much else. Nike even signed a deal with Griner and most LGBT news sites, blogs, and other reporting outlets have barely spoken a word about her, if they mentioned her at all. And Collins has had 24 hour coverage since his story broke. No covers on magazines. No invites to speak on radio and numerous tv interviews. As far as I know she hasn’t been invited to the White House either. Though her story has just as much impact on the women that are still in the closet, and looking for a face to show them that they can succeed at all their goals.

We forget how there was a long, arduous struggle that women had to endure just to be able to play sports yet it is still openly acceptable to criticize, even joke about their participation professionally. The Suffrage Movement was what led to the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s which led to the civil rights movement of today. To learn through our history how much women;s history influenced so much of our own only to be given less emphasis is unsettling. To be shown so little respect deeply disturbs me and once again reminded me of the other times where this community is not as welcoming as it appears.

As I read more breaking stories about Collins, more of the news read event as “Jason Collins, The First Out Professional Athlete” when that was not true. Men and women have been coming out in professional sports for years. We’ve had representation in boxing like Orlando Cruz along with a plethora of women that have come out in nearly every professional sport. It showed me where our priorities are and have always been and it does not feel like true equality.

This community does not fight as hard for the rights and recognition of women. How the bisexual men and women in this community are often laughed at and not given the platform of gay men in this community. How race/ethnicity is at times just as big an issue in this community as it is in the rest of society, sometimes even more so when there are gay men that believe that it is impossible for them to be racist. At times the open misogyny that some practice in this community angers me more than the total disregard of intersectionality, which women in this community also have to endure. I can only imagine the experiences women have to endure when they are slighted by a community that does not reach out to them.

It angered me to feel that the same misogyny that society embodies as a whole still has a grasp and is being kept alive by some members of this community. When I brought this to the attention of HRC they ignored it, which with some of the stories and rumors of their transphobia and lack of diversity within the organization I should not have been surprised. That angered me even more as I thought about how too often organizations like HRC and GLAAD set the tone of what this country sees as LGBT when it’s mostly comprised only of affluent gay men. They either didn’t feel a woman coming out was not as important or did not care

Our society still sexualizes women habitually and when she discloses her sexuality it is fetishized and not respected. Because we all know that there is this belief by some that it’s easier for a woman coming out. That us gay men have an immensely hard time coming out because of all the societal pressures, cultural norms and gender roles placed on us. That we are bullied more, threatened and attacked more as gay men.

It’s a common belief that most if not all women that play professional sports in any capacity is written off automatically as a lesbian when that isn’t true either. And if people believe that, since their sexuality is inferred that lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered women athletes have it easier. But if f we took the time out to read the varying challenges that women like Griner face, like bullying, fear of being judged, inner turmoil, then we’d give stories like hers much more agency.

Women are teased if they do things that no other women do or see as “normal” . Yet as a community our understanding of how similar the adversity we face is forgotten. Even with how much as some of the leaders of this community pride themselves on pushing forward equality in the rest of society, we need to do the same thing within and properly recognize the issues we do not focus on enough.

Women, like Griner, and their accomplishments should not be met with such disregard and apathy. To hear this kind of rhetoric from gay men, that know the varying degrees of discrimination and insensitivity directed towards us would with such a flat affect deeply disturbed me. I had to reconcile my strong opinion with adequately explaining the justification of my immense frustration on how easily we lose insight and focus of other members of this community.

I understand how important this story is because it challenges so many disparaging beliefs of what gay men look like and goes even further to illustrate that gay men are athletic and fit into the broad definition of what society thinks masculinity looks like. That we can love throwing a 3-point shot as much as he can love hair and fashion. But the stories of our sisters are ignored, overshadowed, or forgotten far too often.

We cannot ignore this problem, or continue with this air of displaced interests and lack of love toward the women in this community who deserve to be recognized just as much as the men. We need to remember that just as there’s some guy in college that plays basketball feels he can be out and proud because of James Collins that the same must be true of a woman feeling proud of what Brittney Griner has done for women. Let’s give the same recognition to women as we do men. We can do better.

Is He A Top Or A Bottom?

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bitchybottoms

Today while attempting to research for something to blog about I came across this article in the Advocate titled, Six Reasons Why it Sucks to Be a Gay Man, that discussed the different ways that being gay has its downfalls. Never mind the negative tone the name of the article has as it is apparent after reading the first two paragraphs that the author was satirically making a point through humor and I can’t fault him for that.

However there was one particular point on the list that really frustrated me. Maybe frustrate is too strong a word as it’s not so much that I have hostility towards this point, but rather I question the point itself. It talked about how not knowing a potential partner’s sexual role early on can pose problems later on in the relationship. The author implies how it sucks when two gay men get together and are dating only later to find out that they are first in fact bottoms:

4. “Wait … we are both bottoms?”

It’s the third date and you have been on your best behavior with that gorgeous man across the dinner table.  That means no “sexting,” no more than two cocktails, and nothing below the waist … until now.

You think, Finally, this is how dating is supposed to be! You didn’t meet on Grindr or sleep with each other on the first date. You have the same taste in music and even talked about how you both want kids. Everything is perfect!

That is, until things finally start heating up and your thighs keep wanting to go in the same direction as his. After a frustrating make-out session and an awkward discussion in the nude, the reality of your preferred position becomes apparent. Even if one of you may be more “versatile” than the other, you are both bottoms.

So there went the wedding bells, but it could be worse. At least you have a new shopping pal.

This of course would cause problems in any relationship when you have a preference to a specific sexual role; if you’re not into it, you just aren’t. But the first thought I had when I read this point is why would this information be something that you would find out on the third date? When is the right time to ask this question.

And I know that most already know the answers to this question depending on their own experience or belief in common sense but some of us are not as clear on parameters because of inexperience. Or the fact that as the more men you interact with, the sooner you realize that the answer is not as clear cut as you once believed.

Because despite what the media, and sometimes what our own beliefs about the validity in stereotypes of gay men, we know deep down that we are a very diverse group of men so you can’t just go by appearance. Or how they walk. Or how they talk. Their profession. All of these demographics don’t automatically tell you this crucial information that will at some point will mean something to both of you.  And despite their popularity, we don’t always have the convenience of social dating apps like Grindr to blatantly list what are our sexual preferences.

Some may be saying right now, “all that stuff doesn’t matter, it’s all about the connection”. Well like it or not sex is a component of that connection. Granted, it is not the only connection two people can share with each other or the only way to physically express affections for one another but it is still an important part to intimacy. Remember that as men we react first by what they see, so we also base our future behaviors on what we see in the present and foreseeable future.

You may have sex on the first date or may not have sex for the first six months of dating someone new, but a lot of the attraction may be centered on how you were attracted to him in the first place. So the discussion needs to happen at some point well before you make it to the bedroom one night to take your relationship further. So this will come up at some point.

But the question is of course when. When do approach sex roles in potential partners? So how would you approach the matter if it weren’t so apparent? Would you bluntly ask? Going up to someone and saying hi, I’m (insert name) and I’m wanted to know if you’re a top or bottom” probably won’t go over too smoothly. We can all appreciate a direct inquiry but you’re more than likely to offend someone with a question that is so intimate and  private.

Would a better way to approach the dilemma be to enact on a series of vague questions to find out the answer? What an icebreaker that could be, if done correctly. There’s drawback to that as well. A lot of guys do not like these types of long-winded, mull around the bush questions (including myself). After a while they can come off as condescending and suggests that you are too much the inquisitor rather than potential lover.

Maybe the best approach would be a combination of the first two scenarios. But instead of asking them, under no uncertain terms declaring what sexual role you prefer. For instance at some point providing information about your own preferred sexual role (without being vulgar or inappropriate), you suggest how much you love leading your dance partner on the floor and doing a very sensual rumba. And that doesn’t have to include actually discussing sex itself. But that can be seen as being too forward.

Maybe that approach is too forward as well, suggesting cockiness and that you just assumed what you believe is their sexual role. the whole guessing game and these tactics you employ can be tiresome. Honestly I don’t think this situation of later on finding out two guys are both bottoms happens that often as natural chemistry will express what each of your roles are. So maybe listening is the true key. Maybe there are subtle indications that can help that we don’t pay attention to often. Maybe that was what the author was suggesting.

I believe it’s important to ask why we have such a hard time approaching this topic in the first place. The biggest reason is the result of what the roles themselves imply. Being a top implies masculinity and strength as well as dominance while being the bottom signifies submissive, feminine attributes. One of the problems arises is when we take those sexual roles we assign ourselves outside the bedroom and apply it to everyday life.

It’s no secret that in the gay community that the bottom is the brunt (no pun intended) of many jokes. And is seen as a negative attribute, especially by those that carry heteronormative practices of misogyny into the gay community. That means they, like chauvinistic men in the rest of society associate anything feminine as being weak.

We can blame it on media, or upbringing as much as we want but the truth is we are responsible for correcting those ill-conceived beliefs into the community. As I’ve stated before, we have to take accountability for not repeating the mistakes we advocate against. Basically, remember what I said earlier about every guy being different? That’s the most important thing you can do. And be honest in however you discuss it.

Lastly, don’t ever question what sexual role he says he prefers and take him at his word. Just the way you would want to not be scrutinized by whatever your preferred sexual role is for you.  If you either don’t believe or accept that then kindly move on to some other topic or someone else.

I won’t tell you which method is right or wrong because that is not my job description in this setting  However I will say to always remember how you want to be addressed when this question is asked of you and how you’d respond accordingly. The chemistry will say more than any line of questioning you can think up and provide you with the answer when necessary. And guys, always do it with respect. Perceive each man, regardless of the position he prefers, is still a man and a human being. Remember and respect that.

Azealia Banks Responds To LGBT Criticism, Does Her Rebuttal Have A Point?

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azbnk

Rapper Azealia Banks has been the center of controversy for the past month for her recent anti-gay comments towards Perez Hilton. When it appeared that the situation had at least quieted down, Banks again went on a tirade this past week on Hilton again as well as the rapper Baauer after they had a conflict over Banks sampling his hit song Harlem Shake, The LGBT community have been vocal condemning Banks’ hate speech as it appears the concept of how inflammatory her comments have had on others.

Well now Banks has even more to say and wants to set the record straight. Overall, Banks feels like the LGBT community is set on vilifying her for something that everyone does and shouldn’t take this incident so seriously when there are other things of more importance:

“Why are all these other things like murder and sex and violence and all these other things accepted, but as soon as I call one gay white man a faggot, his feelings are more important… Freedom of speech, you know, and with freedom of speech comes the freedom to be offended, you know?”

There are such bigger problems… and then you’ve got organisations like GLAAD [Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation], which are fucking complete bullshit.

 

Is Banks right and are we impeding on her right to free speech? No we aren”t because just because you have every right to say what you want doesn’t mean that there are a lack of consequences  There are consequences to every action, even voicing our opinions. We have every right to being offended of the immature, reckless use of words that are used while kids are bullied and nearly beaten to death. A word that they will always associate with pain and fear. The concept of what fee speech seems to be lost on Banks. So free speech is not saying whatever the hell you want without people telling you how that makes them feel.

Then Banks elaborates on this weak point. Claiming all the other wronged groups of the world are still doing the same bad things. It so much is like a child when caught red handed tries to point to everyone else that has their hand in the cookie jar, rather than owning up to their wrongdoing.

Some people are Satanists, some people are Christians, some people are Jews, Buddhists, you know what I mean? Some people are still Nazis… there are some people who are still KKK members… Come on people, please. If you’re trying to call me a homophobe, you’re basically trying to imply that I’m insulting you for having sex with men. I have sex with men too – what the fuck?“

I have sex with men and women, do I have to take a picture of my licking a fucking pussy? What the fuck! It doesn’t make any sense. It’s so stupid. It’s so stupid and it’s so evil. And it’s just like this stupid fucking media shit, you know what I mean? It’s the media shit. And this is why I go about myself the way the way I go about myself, and I do whatever the fuck I want. If the media is going to build me up to tear me down, you motherfuckers are not going to tear me down.

Banks clearly has never heard of the terms of internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny that these attacks have been riddled throughout this controversy. The way she condemns sexual acts of gay men as degrading, disgusting and humiliating is disturbing. And we already know all the other dark, cold realities of the world Azealia. The people you are proclaiming we should be focused on are the ones that use the slurs you’ve now become more infamous for.

This isn’t about some tortured artist that is looking to escape the man’s oppressive thumb. It’s about a pretentious ass who thinks it’s okay to act like anything as feminine is weak and then when confronted will cling to the very thing you insulted. There is no re-appropriation to words once they have been expressed in an oppressive manner.

No one is asking you to be a role model or to act a certain way but you damn well better believe that when you have something shitty to say people have every right to tell you what a complete ass backwards hypocrite you really are.