Happy Homo-Days! – READ: ‘Twas The Night Before Gay-mas”- A Very Gay Risque Re-Imagining.
‘Twas The Night Before Gay-mas
‘Twas the night before Gay-mas, when all through the gay bar,
all the patrons were cruising because that’s how we gays are.
The condoms were hung by the vending machine with care,
in the hopes that Daddy Santa soon would be there.
A lesbian in flannel and a muscle pup in a jock,
had just settled their bar tabs for they had enough.
When out on the street arose such a clatter,
the boys from the backroom rushed to see what was the matter.
Away to the door they all flew like a flash,
and pushed past the bouncer and pulled up their pants.
I stepped out the door with the rest of my bro’s,
Noticed a drag queen, three gingers and of course a few trolls.
And what before my wandering eyes should appear,
Daddy Santa and eight studs dressed as reindeer’s.
Daddy Santa was neither pretty nor rich,
but I knew in a moment that he had a huge dick.
His rein-stud were hot and no two were the same,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
Now, LEATHER! Now, COCKRING!, Now SMOOTH and Now HAIRY!
On, TWINKIE! On OTTER! On GYM BUNNY! On MARY!
From the door of the bar to the very backroom wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
So into the bar door the studly reindeer flew.,
Carrying Daddy Santa and poppers and a bag of sex toys too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the floor.
The running and prancing of all the gay boys.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
I saw closet case Kevin Spacey hide and duck down.
Then out of the sleigh jumped Daddy Santa with a oh so manly grunt.
Covered in leather and studs from his ass to his nuts.
A bundle of Fleshlights he had in his sack,
and when he bent over his assless chaps showed his hairy buttcrack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his ass was so hairy!
His look was so butch it frightened one fairy.
I noted that his beard was as white as the snow.
And his cockring so polished it gave off a glow.
He held a half stub cigar gritted in his teeth,
When the bouncer then yelled you’ll have to go outside at least 25 feet.
He had a red ruddy face, and was well hung of course,
and when he laughed his package jiggled just like a horse.
He wasn’t chubby or plump, more like a muscle bear,
and I giggled nervously like a virgin and began to prepare.
With a wink of his eye and his leather cap on his head,
I knew in a minute I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
To the backroom he flew to give all a free jerk.
Before leaving and finding all of his clothes,
he moved to the center and blew a huge load..
He flew out the door and to his rein-studs gave a whistle,
And out the door they flew like a queen on a mission.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“MERRY GAY-MAS TO ALL! AND TO ALL A GAY NIGHT!”