I mesn come on Santa, I have been a very very good guy this year. And all I asked for to be put under my stocking was a hot guy to do whatever I want to with. And what do I get? Money and gift cards. What the hell Santa?! Wine may taste good and all but it’s not going to keep me warm at night. I CAN’T SLEEP WITH MONEY SANTA. So keep these guys in mind for next year, okay?!
I need this man to help me lift my stockings and pin some things against..I mean on the wall.
Why does everyone else get a hot muscled ginger Santa when I get an Apple Gift Store Card? I can’t play connect the freckles with my tongue on a plastic card Santa. Step up your game Claus!!!!
All I want is someone that can assume my favorite positions…in the kitchen…to help me cook Santa. It’s not that hard.
A person to give me smoldering hot looks from across the room that’s just bulging…for conversation of course! Get your mind out of the gutter Santa.
Someone that will let me go hard and deep and can hold their breath as long as I can. Have to be a good swimmer.
But mostly, he probably resembles Chris Pine.
So please keep these in mind for next year Santa. YOU OWE ME.