Are You A Gold Star Gay?
Do you ever just sit back and laugh at some of the ridiculous things we call ourselves? How, for some reason we have this incessant need to define and categorize every single thing we say and do? Maybe it’s just me but I do this..but that may also be due to the fact that it doesn’t take me much to laugh and try my damnedest to stay in a constant state of zen. Which brings me to today’s topic; do you know what a “gold gay” is and if so, are you one?
A gold gay is typically defined in our community as a gay man that never had a period of time being with a woman (romantically, sexually, horizontally, etc.,.) Now I try very hard to stay on top of the lingo and latest sayings because often I don’t have the privilege to be in heavily gay populated areas but this one caught me off guard when someone asked me this last year.
It was at a doctor’s appointment and this guy, who I must say was absolutely beautiful, struck up a conversation. And of course we did the “20 ambiguous questions you ask to see if someone you like is gay” before we delved any deeper into the conversation. It was all platonic (unfortunately) and since the wait was so long it went in further detail.
As this Adonis began to quiet down from laughing at a horrible joke I told he said “you didn’t strike me as a gold gay” I didn’t know how to respond because I didn’t know what that meant, and all I could do was keep internally questioning what my next move should be (even though I probably didn’t have a chance in hell with this guy but I was still going to try) so I made the WORST facial expression I’ve ever made. And then after the sheer embarrassment I asked what it meant. Then I went into my whole spiel, similar to this article about useless definitions, and the conversation kinda stopped there.
It wan’t shame because I in fact am not a gold gay, but simply because I didn’t know what the term meant. And after a while, as I always do, I wanted to know if I wasn’t deserving of gold star status, do I get a silver star? I mean more often than not, you’ll find that most gay men have been with a woman and it’s for various reasons so I dare not speculate why this happens with us. It could be to fit in with society or because of genuine attraction so it varies.
I will note that the term gold gay seems to be used more with the younger adult spectrum of our community. Because being gay is more accepted and there was no need to hide who they are and felt at more liberty to fully express that than those of us that grew up in the 90s or earlier. That’s why I don’t think it’s an elitist term to shame the rest of us. We should feel pride for those that have been able to be out from the beginning because to me that symbolizes progress of acceptance in our society.
My point, and I use the term point loosely, is that sometimes with the various labels we give ourselves like, twink, bear, otter, furry, wolf, packers, tops, power bottoms, verse, leather daddy, bondage buddies, skimslims, sweet panther, gingermanspice (my favorite) gold star gay or any of the other hundreds of made up terms are just for fun. Sometimes, if you look expansively enough, these names show the great diversity that resides within our community. They have no malicious connotation whatsoever and are merely to admire and give attention to. However if someone is ever bothered by them, respect that and they don’t have to give you their reasons why. Just respect that.