And this years nominees for Best Picture are…..
UP - An animated, Viagra-sponsored tale about a grieving old man, his floating Palm Springs mid-century modern home, and the legions of young pool-boys, gardeners, pizza delivery drivers, and cable repairmen whose balloons he has to pop in order to learn life’s central lesson: so long as you can get it UP life is goo-d.
Up in the Air – George Clooney attempts to earn Executive Palladium status in American Airlines’ Frequent Mile-Higher program, by “hitting the call button” with hot stewards in some of the jetway’s classiest lavatories.
The Hurt Locker - Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell my ass! These boys get on their knees to do more than fire that rifle. In this Iraq War-based S&M fantasy, Catherine Biganlow unleashes a foot(long )locker of hurt on a young cast of unknowns.
Fantastic Mr. Fox - Speaking of fox-holes, George clooney is at it again as he attempts to plug as many as he can as the voice of a mangy, dirty old fox. Just when he’s finally lived down his former Den Master title and taken up running a clothing-optional B&B (Burrow & Breakfast), Mr. Fox gets pulled back in for “just one more raid” on a trio of local Scout camps. What makes Mr. Fox so fantastic? I think you can guess. (Hint: it’s more girth than length.) But you’ll have to see it to truly believe it.
It’s Complicated – Your gay marriage sours and you get gay divorced. Obviously, your first act is to immediately return to whoring around, making your extremely well-endowed ex- jealous. So he comes poking back into the picture. If you were straight, this would be a solid premise on which to build a romantic comedy. But since you’re gay, it’s simply another good excuse for ninety-minutes of sleazy three-way action!
Inglourious Basterds – Super Butch Jewish Army Sergeant Chaim Putitin is gathering a special crack team of hot, young, Jewish-American WWII soldiers. They plan to strike fear into the hearts and butts of the Nazis by implementing a brutal Double-Penetration Campaign. A gang bang epic for the ages. UNCUT and, well, er…..UNCUT.
