Matt Bomer – In And Out And In Again

Will Kohler

Will Kohler is a noted LGBT historian, writer, blogger and owner of Back2Stonewall.com. A longtime gay activist, Will fought on the front lines of the AIDS epidemic with ACT-UP and continues fighting today for LGBT acceptance and full equality. Will’s work has been referenced in notable media venues as MSNBC and BBC News, The Washington Post, The Advocate, The Daily Beast, Hollywood Reporter, Raw Story, and The Huffington Post

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12 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    I understand your perspective, but as out as you may be on the inside of hollywood sometimes if youre too out especially too early on it can hinder your career.

    There are still those who suffer from it, and NPH has 20 years behind him to counter that. Bomer does not. Maybe we all should get to make our own decisions about how we live our lives, instead of living up to someone elses rules and regulations.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I am a gay man and I think the writer of this piece is extremely naive, short-sighted and has only looked at this argument from his own very narrow point of view. Whenever you are a star, your career employs dozens of other people. If his coming out over shadowed the show or hurt it's viewership other people could loose their jobs and what is a very fine show could get lost in the whole argument over gay rights, being open in Hollywood, and so on and so forth. The result would likely be that White Collar would go off the air, Bomer's career would be in the tank, and studio execs would be very jumpy to place another possibly gay actor in such a role. In that situation, coming out would seem a very selfish decision. But by being gay in his personal life and continuing his career without acknowledging it, he is in a better position to set an example and he would be like the majority of gay people in America. Not hiding, but not letting being gay define everything in one's life especially their career.

    As an actor sexuality shouldn't matter. I honestly don't see how any good could out from a public coming out at this point. If the rumors are true, he isn't really in the closet anyway. It is "supposedly" known in the industry that he is gay, he has "supposedly" lived his life as an openly gay man, and (even before I saw the pictures or read the blogs) when I saw him on screen I identified him as being a gay man. I am quite sure others in the community do the same. What more do you want? I think that should be enough. I would hate to see a good show like White Collar derailed over talks about his sexuality. All you have to do is look at shows like Grey's Anatomy. Since that mess with Isaiah Washington and TR the show has not been the same. TR came out and where is he now. What good did it do?

    I think Bomer has made the right move by not directly addressing it. His personal life is his business. I actually respect him more than some other actors who are most likely gay because he has not denied it and run out with lawyers suing people and making a spectacle of themselves. I can understand those actors motivations and they are justified in a way. But at the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself. I think it is refreshing that he can have his personal life and just go on with his career like anyone else. In this day and age people put out too much of their personal business anyway. I wish Matt Bomer the best and I hope he doesn't change a thing. Just having someone in his situation in a leading role on a very popular and acclaimed TV show I think says volumes to the gay community and to movie and TV execs alike. He's a cute guy and a good actor and that is really all that should matter.

  3. Anonymous says:

    All crap. Sure, be a Ricky Martin – make your money, and then, after it doesn't matter any more, come out. Never mind all the troubled teens who would benefit from having role models who are gay and successful. Never mind the extreme cowardice this indicates. I agree: GROW A PAIR! It's not just about YOU, Matt! How many teen gay suicides would be prevented by having so many gays in every walk of life come out and demand acceptance, act as someone to look up to? We'll never know.

    • thisisgoofey says:

      wow, no wonder teens are so messed up today when the best help you can give them is to teach them their identity and self worth is their sexuality!!!

      The women’s movement has spent over a hundred years trying to stop this and the Gay movement is undoing it!!!

      Someone who is interested in a strangers personal or sex life is not healthy and should seek treatment!!!

      We have all met these people, The Gossip, The Trouble maker, The Stalker!!!

      These people rather than having their own healthy fulfilled lives, they live other peoples lives!!!

    • Scarpien says:

      “Grow a pair” says the Anonymous poster! LOL Truly Remarkable.

  4. Nemeres says:

    He's got his career to think about. Having gays celebrate his courage won't do him any good when he's begging for a soap opera role. It worked (I believe) for Neil Patrick Harris because he's a funny guy going for comedy-oriented roles. I say let him live his life the way he effing feels like it, without any freaking pressure.

  5. Scarpien says:

    Will Kohler: It never ceases to amaze me how people like you love dictating how another should live his/her life just because you chose to live yours a certain way. You want to be treated equally but refuse to afford others equal treatment.
    They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but you guys, namely “bitter queens”–lest there be any misunderstanding–truly take the cake. Matt Bomer is his own man and should be afforded what is his right to live his life the way he damn well sees fit. He does not owe you, me or the gay community anything. Where the hell were you or the “gay community” when he was busting his ass to get to where he is now? He only has his children, his lover, and himself to consider when he makes his decisions regarding his career or his life; they are his FIRST priority, not you or me.
    If he decides to come out, run back in the closet and hide or do nothing, that’s his decision and his alone. You have no right to force his hand, or out him just because you feel it’s your duty as an “out and proud gay.” If you choose to see yourself as gay first and foremost, then that’s on you. To other gay men, their being gay is only a small facet of who they are, not their crowning achievement. Respect the decisions of others, even if it goes against yours. THAT’S what separates a man from a fag.
    And lastly, if you think Matt’s coming out will somehow stop gay bashers from beating you up you have another thing coming. On that topic I suggest you take your own advice: Grow a f__king pair and learn how to fight! Even lesbians can defend themselves. Why can’t you?

    • Will Kohler says:

      To quote Havey Milk:

      “On this anniversary of Stonewall, I ask my gay sisters and brothers to make the commitment to fight. For themselves, for their freedom, for their country…Gay people, we will not win our rights by staying silently in our closets…We are coming out. We are coming out to fight the lies, the myths, the distortions. We are coming out to tell the truths about gays, for I am tired of the conspiracy of silence, so I’m going to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. You must come out. Come out to your parents, your relatives”

      Thats the best defense I have oin the subject.

      Now whats your defense for being such a little bitch?

      • Peter Thomas says:

        To add my two-pennies worth (as we say in the UK):

        It is true that Harvery Milk asked his peers to come out and be proud, and as such help dispel the misconceptions and stigma surrounding homosexuals. However, the point is he asked. He did not force them to.
        As much as I would love all the gay men and women of Hollywood to be out and proud, it’s not that straight forward still. Just as I would love more sports stars to be brave and come out to their team-mates and fans. But the world is still cruel and they have a lot to lose. Yes, it would be wonderful, I can’t wait for more to start coming out, and the gay community has so much to gain whenever they do, the truth is that individuals they risk losing a lot. And while that is still the case we can, of course, praise those who are brave enough to fly the flag, but I don’t personally think we can scorn those who sadly do not.
        In sum: while I agree with your sentiments Will, I do not agree with you posting photos of his private life and of being quite militant in your suggestion that this man should have his sexuality out in the public domain.

  6. Will Kohler says:

    Peter:

    Bomer was OUT at one time untilhe got a role ona television show and then went back IN

  7. Home of the free says:

    I Love Matt Bomer, he’s one of my favorite actors. I wish him the best in whatever he does. Signed: straight black female (I added this to make a statement).. Who cares what my sexual orientation is, nobody. Matt is, who he is, that’s it, that’s all…

What do you think?